How to be a good wife. 2010 Ed.

Step number one:

To have extra time to prepare yourself for your husband’s return from a long day at work, give your children extra school work.  This will keep them busy.  They won’t complain, since they are homeschoolers and love to study hard.

About an hour before your wonderful hard-working husband arrives home, step into your closet and close the door.

While there say three times, “I want to be a good wife. I want to be a good wife.  I want to be a good wife”. When you have practiced this for several months, you may be able to wait until half an hour before the wonderful husband arrives home. I have gotten this step down to 10 minutes.  Once you have said the sentence three times, you can emerge from the closet a new radiant housewife.

As you can see I have my hair done, makeup on and wearing pearls. Yes, ladies, pearls are worn while doing house work. There is no other way to get the cleaning done.   I am also wearing one of my nice dresses and high-heel shoes.

Step number two:

Now that you are dressed for house work, put on your work apron. We don’t want to soil the pretty dress, do we?  Start by dusting all furniture.  A big fluffy ostrich feather duster is a nice accessory to the work apron and the high heels.

After dusting bring out the vacuum cleaner.  I always wear my highest heals while vacuuming. It seems my carpets are so much cleaner when I wear them. Notice the lovely smile on my face. I am thinking of how happy my wonderful hard-working husband will be, when he steps on this clean carpet.  Oh, the joy!

Step number three:

When your wonderful hard-working husband arrives home, go out to meet him and give him a warm welcome. Notice I have taken my work apron off. I do not want to offend my wonderful hard-working husband by wearing a dirty work apron.

Step number four:

Lead him to his favorite spot to relax. Remember he has worked very hard today.  Prop  him up with some pillows and hand him his favorite pair of casual shoes.  When he is comfortable, leave him alone for five minutes to unwind from his very hard work day. Take this time to put on your best serving apron.  A serving apron is made of a fine gauze material  and is only used while serving others.  This apron looks lovely on any dress, while protecting it from spills. We always want to look our best for our wonderful hard-working husbands.

Now is the time to  hand him his favorite beverage. I am giving my wonderful hard-working husband his favorite beverage  in a tall glass. I took the time to open the bottle myself and pour it into a tall glass  just the he way he likes it. Please notice, ladies, I am still smiling because I love my wonderful hard-working husband and I want to show him I appreciate all that he does for me.

After you have done the above steps, your husband will be relaxed.  You will be happy, no, thrilled that you have made his day.  It is not over, though.  Go to the kitchen, and exchange your serving apron for your work apron.  It is now time to finish your husband’s favorite dinner.  Have the children put all of their school work away, sit at their father’s feet, and tell him he is the worlds best father.

His day and your life are now complete.

Have a happy April.♥

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17 responses to “How to be a good wife. 2010 Ed.

  1. lol, MY hubby would think there’s an April Fool’s joke in this somewhere!!!! 😀

  2. Is this the 2nd segment in how to trap a man i.e. how to keep a man?

  3. LOL! That is why my husband has been so miserable. I have not been following those steps. I must go buy some pearls a white gauze apron right away and start serving my man. Thanks for the great tips!

  4. My husband would leave, for fear he was in the wrong house! LOL

  5. And Happy April Fool’s Day to you also Applie!!!

  6. LOL! This is too funny Michelle! =D
    Happy April Fool’s Day!

  7. I don’t know why everyone thinks that you are joking.
    If only they knew that you lived and breathed by these steps.

  8. LOVE it! You are MY HERO!! ;0) That was fabulous!

  9. Very wise advice:)
    Thanks!
    Sure hope he won’t mind me spending all that money on a nice set of pearls so that I can comply!

  10. Hahahahahahahahaha! I love it. So 50s.

  11. Hahahahahahaha! I love it! You’re my hero!

  12. wow.thanx for the smart advice im sure my man will come straight home if i follow these steps.

  13. Hi, I guess I came to this post years late, and you seem nice, but it still kind of seems like you are making fun of traditional wives and I happen to be such a wife. I do wear nice dresses, even at home, and I do wear aprons, and I do serve my man lovingly and appreciate all he does. And believe it or not sometimes I put on pearls too. So I must seem like a big joke to the various commenters here.

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